i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
