Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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