Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
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