Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Randomize
