By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
