You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
