And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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