I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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