yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
that may or may not have been my penis.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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