Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
