I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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