i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
