found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
