meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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