His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
