at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Also, beer. Big fan.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
