I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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