I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
