In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
