I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
