I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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