Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
