im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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