Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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