Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
