last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
