Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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