do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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