I'm eating all of the evidence.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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