The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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