just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
