Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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