carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
