Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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