Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
