I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
