I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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