The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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