Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
