just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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