i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
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