nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
