That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
