I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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