Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
