I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
420 ftw
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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