we made out on top of his cat.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
