They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
