I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
