The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
